Fan Fiction (Collab)

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Bacon

Harry awoke in a dazed state. Without his glasses, he couldn’t see much at all. While he fumbled for his glasses, he could hear voices. Hagrid’s was one of them. Putting his glasses on, he could see that he was in some sort of a sick bay, surrounded by the old man with the pointy hat and long beard, Hagrid, and some other people he had never met before.

He tried to speak but his voice came out in such a hoarse, raspy whisper even he couldn’t understand what he had just said. Seeing that he was struggling, Hagrid spoke up, “Don’t worry Harry, you’ll have your voice back soon enough. All that bacon down your throat, we pulled all that out from your belly,” said Hagrid, pointing at a large vat by the corner overflowing with bacon.

Harry found out the old man’s name was Dumbledore and was the headmaster of Hogwarts, a Wizarding school. Harry also found out that his parents were killed by magic. Also, Harry was trying to tell himself to enjoy this peculiar dream of his before he woke up at the Dursley’s.

“Cheer up,” a voice said “you’ll be fine in no time.” Looking up Harry saw a boy, around the same age as him, with red hair on his head and a silly grin on his face. “I’m Ron,” said the boy. “Ronald Weasley, pleased to meet you!”

Suddenly, a shabby looking man entered the room and went straight to Dumbledore and the both of them seem to be discussing something rather serious. The man looked panic stricken. It left Harry wondering what else could have happened.

 A girl walked in just then and stood next to Ron. She looked straight at Ron “There’s been murder!” she said, “A trail of bacon leading into a dead end was found too!”

“No way!” said Ron.

“It’s true,” she then turned to Harry, “Oh how rude, I’m Hermione. You must be Harry Potter, I heard all about how you ha-”

“Stop battering the poor thing, Hermione,” Ron cut in.

“What is going on?” Harry managed to croaked, “What happened to me?”

“Oh, well, they said you found the Philosopher’s Bacon. He’s happy you found it, the Philosopher i mean. But the spell that was placed on the Bacon backfired on you. Sent a whole lot of bacon down your throat,” Ron explained.

Ridiculous. This dream was getting ridiculous! Harry thought to himself. Bacon, magic and all that. Now a murderer?

“I know it sounds like madness Harry, but we’ll help you,” Hermione said.

“And… you two are my friends now?” Harry asked skeptically.

“Professor Dumbledore made us befriend you actually. He said you might need help.” The both of them nodded.

It is confirmed. Harry is officially nuts. Honestly, he started assuming his parents were killed by magical bacon too. That seem to fit how bacon-rific his life was right now. Why couldn’t he be chased by nose-less bad guys instead of having to chase bacon?

“Harry, are you o.k?” Hermione asked as Harry made a face close to Uncle Vernon’s Hunchback of Notredame impersonation.

“Yea. Anyways, you said about a trail of bacon leading to a dead end?”

“Yes.” Hermione nodded.

“I bet there’s a secret door somewhere,” Ron added and Hermione narrowed her eyes at him.

“I think so too. Cause when i found the Philosopher’s bacon, i saw a message about a chamber being open,” Harry said as he recalled the incident.

Harry slowly got out of bed, “Let’s find out who’s killing these people.”

“NO! You must rest!” Hermione immediately replied.

“Honestly, you look like a nice young lady, but i dont really know you and you cant really tell me what to do,” Harry gave a quick reply in a low voice as his throat still hurt.

He didn’t wait for them to follow as he started walking out of the hospital wing into a place he knew nothing about. And as though it was his destiny, Harry smelled bacon. Yes, the salty mouth watering smell. One could only ignore it briefly as it drew him towards a direction and Harry followed.

The smell led him to a dead end, the same dead end the bacon led to.

“How do you know where this place was?” Hermione asked in astonishment.

“Shut up! Can’t you see he’s concentrating?” Ron snapped at her.

“Bacon…” Harry said softly, and what he saw blew his mind. The wall started shifting, creating a small door. Harry quickly entered, still followed by the pestering girl and the boy who kept saying he spotted a spider.

Harry hurried down a long dark corridor until he came into an open space. There was a big statue of a man that stood in the center, and when harry took a step forward, he heard a gushing sound. It didnt sound like water, but it sounded more like a flood of bacon.

Oh, and as stupid as this sounds, it was. Believe it or not, bacon came flooding into the chamber. And the trio ran, they ran as fast as they could, but bacon finally caught up with them. And the force was so strong that it sent them flying out of the chamber’s hidden door and back into the corridor.

When Harry finally had gotten his bearings, he saw Hermione, lying on the ground, looking rather petrified. Who knew she was allergic to bacon as her body grew stiff.

“Oh no! She’s going to die!” Ron exclaimed.

“I don’t think so. I think she just has an allergy.”

“But the killings and the murders? It can’t be bacon can it?” Ron was rather confuse.

“No, i think it was just allergies. Does she have a tendency to exaggerate?” Harry asked.

“Sometimes always,” Ron answered. “But what about the chamber?”

“Let’s just leave it as it is. I guess someone just loves bacon,” Harry answered as he shook his head.

Boy oh boy, as much as Harry hated to admit this, the Dursley’s seem like a better place now.

(This was a collaboration with Jessica D, a freelance graphic designer, photographer, and the high school friend i played Diagon Alley with when i was 13.)


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