Fan Fiction (Novel)

Chapter 5:

Joanna reached for the book under her cloak, thinking. And then with a casual shrug, she folded her arms on her table and ignored him.

She tried her very best to stay focus on the subject being taught and ignore the clearing of the throat and the shifting of the chair that was happening right next to her.

Once class had ended, Joanna hurried out and ran. She had to burn the book right away before he could stop her. As she climbed into the empty common room, she immediately headed towards the fireplace.

Pulling the book out, she nodded to herself. It has to go. With that in mind, she threw the book into the fire. Expecting the pages to light up in flames, Joanna stood back and waited. But she soon realized the book was not burning.

“It doesn’t burn. And you say your family is into the dark arts?” Tom chuckled from behind her.

Joanna spun around immediately to see the smirk on Tom’s face.

“How did you get in?” she asked slowly.

“I’m a prefect, and soon to be head prefect. I know ALL the passwords,” Tom answered as he brushed past her and picked the book up from the fireplace.

He then reached for his wand as he eyed Joanna. Instantly, she quickly backed away. Joanna was ready to admit she was afraid of him.

“Relax. I’m just playing with you,” Tom laughed at her reaction and walked out the common room, leaving Joanna in a concoction of uncertain emotions.

Days passed and Joanna had not spoken to Tom, or at least, she didn’t want to. He came to class and then disappeared after, and she couldn’t help but suspiciously wonder. But as school work started to pile up, she didn’t have time to think about him anymore.

One afternoon, Joanna headed to the library wanting to catch up on some of her work. Her new friends were a noisy bunch and the library was the only place she could find peace.

As she made her way to an empty table, she saw Tom. He was at a corner reading a book. Joanna was tempted to see what he was up to, but before she could decide on anything, Tom turned to look in her direction, as though he knew she was there.

Joanna quickly looked away and buried her face in her copy of Standard Book of Spells Grade 6. She was finally able to focus on what she was reading when someone sat across from her.

As she slowly lowered her book, she found Tom looking at her.

“What?” Joanna asked.

“I want to ask you something,” Tom said as he leaned forward. “How did your uncle die?”

“I don’t know. He just did.” Joanna eyed him suspiciously.

“Did he do the spell wrong?” Tom asked.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t there.”

“Then how do you know he died trying to make a you-know-what?”

“Because they found a copy of this book, in his room, the day they found his body.” Joanna pointed at the big book, in which she knew Tom hid the other book in.

“They destroyed the book after his death,” Joanna continued.

“Sad,” Tom remarked.

It was then that curiosity started to make her hands tingle and her old habits of digging out secrets made her want to know more.

“Have you asked anyone about making a you-know-what?” Joanna finally shut the book she attempted to read earlier.

“Professor Slughorn. But that was before I actually read the entire book.”

“Did he say it could be done?”

“Yes, but I’m not asking him again. He’s already suspicious of me asking about you-know-what.”

“Well, if you want to try, you should prepare first. An item of some sort.”

“I already have,” Tom said as he rubbed the ring on his finger.

“Your fathers?” Joanna said as she admired the black diamond on his finger.



“Very.” Tom stared at his ring.

“I’m sorry,” Joanna naturally responded.

“Oh, don’t be. I never knew him.”

They sat in silence for a while before Joanna decided to bring up a fact, “You know, you have to kill somebody in order to make a you-know-what.”

“I know.”

Joanna raised an eyebrow when Tom looked up at her and folded his fingers, symbolizing the number 3.

It took her a moment to understand what it meant, and when she finally did, her eyes widened as she leaned away from him. Though it wasn’t all that strange to hear someone tell her of the deaths they have caused, but hearing from a boy her age brought back the fear she had for him.

“You only need one,” Joanna said, trying to sound unaffected by the little secret he chose to share.

“I’m trying to make more than one you-know-what,” Tom said as casually as he could.

Joanna swallowed at the idea.

“You seem to know a lot about these kind of magic, can you help me?” Tom’s question caught her by surprise.

“I know, but I don’t practice,” Joanna quickly answered.

“I’m not asking you to, I’m just asking for your help,” Tom said, locking his eyes on hers as he waited for an answer.

To be continued…

(Leave a comment below or vote on whether Joanna should help Tom or not!)

19 thoughts on “Chapter 5:”

  1. Just the same old tip from earlier, keep an eye out for those grammatical errors, and you should be fine. As for character portrayal, that is entirely your perspective, so it does not necessarily have to meet what I pictured. So Riddle is still okay. But Joanna seemed to have changed quite a lot, but then I am guessing that is because of the polls.
    The writing is good. I like it, and enjoyed it immensely. (:
    Moving on to the next chapter. 😉

    1. Yea, the polls kinda makes the story shift from where I previously intended it to be, but if you read every fortnightly, I guess the character change isn’t so obvious. Most of my readers did not mention of the change, cause they only get the next chapter after 2 weeks.

      Is Riddle too nice? Haha. Personally, it’s nice to know he was once nice.

  2. I would be more than happy to proof read for you. I enjoy editing (and your work) and you want a free proof-reader – a win-win, no?

    Now about voting: how to decide? I want to say ‘no’ so that Tom can be left alone but if she is useful to him I don’t want to deny helpful information!

    1. Great! That would be a great help. But due to copyright issues, if you know where I’m coming from, do you mind proof reading every new post i post up on my blog? If there are mistakes, just let me know.

      Haha! I would suggest going with letting her help him.

  3. Well, I came back today after a long time and read chapters 2-5. I must say, I’m liking the story so far. I’m not so sure of the characters though. I can understand how hard it is to develop and maintain characters, since I’ve myself had to deal with it on numerous occasions, so I won’t be too harsh on you…but i just feel that considering the initial rebelliousness of her character, joanna seems to be displaying too much flawlessness. I had her pinned down as a grey character but she’s moving very fast towards the white zone!
    Also, I feel that’s Tom’s character is too willing to share information with her, especially since he’s always been depicted as a loner who kept his true thoughts to himself, even at the pinnacle of power. He tends to operate alone. But, if that’s your interpretation of the character, then I suppose it’s okay.
    Oh and one more thing – punctuation errors aside, I think you should get your posts proof-read before posting so as to prevent errors that are avoidable. Such as “Instantly, she quickly backed away.” You’ve used two words in quick succession, which mean the same thing here. Things like that you can definitely work on, so that they don’t take away from your overall work, which is quite, quite good!
    I hope you’re able to use my feedback! And it is just that – feedback, so please don’t take it as criticism because it really is not.
    Apart from the issues mentioned above, I think it’s going well otherwise and is definitely much more substantial than most fan-fics on the subject. And I hope you continue to write for a long time because I really like your style! All the best!

    1. She’s moving fast to the white zone, firstly, because her decisions are being voted by the readers. Secondly, if she was a hard core “bad-ass”, she would be a perfect match with riddle, making their friendship too perfect because of their personalities. Then again, I should have been careful with how I portrayed her in the beginning.

      With Riddle, yea, it kinda is my interpretation. I personally don’t think he is all evil. He was just brought up in harsh environments with a cunning and ambitious personality.

      Ok, got it! Too many repetitive words. I will make sure not to do that again. As for proof-readers, I am in no capability to pay people, and I think asking for a binding favor from another friend is, well, too much. I’m feeling a bit mean even when asking my artist to hurry up with the drawings.

      Thanks for the feedback. And I would be writing, so long as I can type 🙂

    2. At the end of the day, it’s your decision as to how your characters evolve, play out, change and all. So, there’s only so much that we, as readers, can advice you to do…it’s your call and it should remain like that. Having said that, I still feel that for me, joanna is too much in the white zone. That does NOT mean that she should be a badass, just a little less perfect considering her initial characterization.
      But, it still remains your decision! So.

    3. I do not want her to walk down the Mary Sue lane. Could you possibly state how she’s too perfect? I see her pretty shaky.. in the sense of her indecisive personality and her rather broken family.

    4. I guess I perceived her as too much of a rebel (being kicked out of every school, being sarcastic to her dad, etc.) in the first chapter. And in the later chapters I see her being polite and mixing in with Tom and making friends so easily, so I guess it happened a little too soon and too fast for me to be able to digest. Know what I mean? I think the fact that you’re not posting in one go but rather in chapters may have influenced it to some extent. Also, I read the first chapter weeks ago and then read the rest in one go today. So while the rest seem to flow, the first seems a bit isolated from the rest for me. So, I guess it’s both of us then.
      Anyways, it’s only my personal opinion, you don’t have to agree and you certainly don’t have to act upon it. But, I don’t understand why you thought I was suggesting that you take down the Mary Sue lane…I was, in fact, suggesting quite the opposite!
      Basically what I’m trying to say is that for a girl like her, who’s rebellious (somewhat) and embarrassed by her father’s presence etc, it would take a little bit more time to open up to people and settle into a school she’s convinced she’ll get kicked out of. That’s all…

    5. Ahh, I see where you’re going. True true, now that you’ve mentioned it, I see it as well.

      Oh, when people say white area, I assume its the typical plot most people would go with, having a perfect character (in which I’m hoping Joanna is not) and all those knots. Well, if it isn’t that’s great to hear! I don’t want to have one of those perfect cliche stories people get tired of quickly.

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