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I Hated Her

30 May

I Hated Her

I hated her. It is undeniably true. When I needed her the most, she wasn’t there. She was a useless woman who couldn’t care less about me. And it got easier and easier to despise her as I grew up.

When I was 7, I was chosen to represent the school for a football game. I was so excited, I came home with a big smile on my face. But when I told her about it, she said she was too busy to watch my game. She did not even look at me when she handed me a few dollars for my bus ride to school the next day. So I went for the game myself, and we lost. No point telling her, cause she didn’t even ask about it.

When I was 12, I made it to the top of the class. She never once bothered with my report card, but I couldn’t help but share the happiness I had when I finally had gotten number 1. As I handed her the paper, she stared at it so long, I thought she was going to praise me. But I was wrong, all she did was nod. Was it so hard for her to just spit out a few words to her son? I guess she found no reason to.

When I was 15, I won the heart of a girl I liked in school. I wanted to start our relationship right and I was looking for the perfect gift. She found me in my room one day, browsing through online stores and magazines for a gift… but she didn’t say anything. She just told me to take out the trash and left me after that. I really wanted her advice, but I didn’t bother to ask as she didn’t even care. When I was finally so desperate, I called over my best friend and after he left, I found a box with a pretty jewel necklace in it. Even he cared enough to bring something over to spare me the failure of courting a girl.

When I was 18, I graduated as a valedictorian. She never came to my graduation, and she never heard my speech. I made it a point to thank everyone except her, because she did nothing for me. When I looked at all the faces in the hall and did not see her’s, I made up my mind to stop thinking about her and carry on with life.

Immediately after graduation, I got a letter from Harvard with a full scholarship. I was ecstatic! I told everyone, except her. One afternoon, I purposely left the letter with the other mail. But when she picked it up, she said nothing. She just handed it back to and told me not to leave things lying around. That was the last straw. I left for UK shortly after and I never bothered to call home or visit during holidays. Even during my graduation, I didn’t care enough to inform her, after all, she was not going to come anyways.

I stayed in the UK for a few years after graduation, and I was working for a pretty big company. I was finally able to let her go and pretend she never existed, until I got a call from a lawyer who said I was mentioned in her will. I was confused for a moment and the lawyer awkwardly told me she had passed away a week ago. He knew more of her illness than I did, and yet I felt nothing. Call me cruel or in-filial, I didn’t care. Who was she to me anyways; the woman who did nothing but nod.

Since my name was in her will, I decided to come home for a visit. I caught up with my buddies who knew well not to ask of her, and then I saw the lawyer. He read her will and I laughed. It was the stupidest thing I’ve heard and yet I was not surprised. The will stated that the house, car and all her savings were to be given to charity. The only thing she left me was a book, a small book that was not even worth five bucks. Honestly, I laughed so hard the lawyer thought I was insane.

When I told him I didn’t want the book he insisted I took it, so I did and chucked it in my bag. I have never touched that bag until now. Out of curiosity I wanted to see what cooking recipes she left me, and after three years I finally read the contents of that brown, creased book.

July 7, 1992

My dear Tristan,

I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your football game. I really wanted to but I am struggling right now. I didn’t want to tell you this because I didn’t want you to worry, but if you must know… we are in a lot of debt. Your father left us with loan sharks and bank loans that I can’t seem to pay off. I know that is not an excuse to miss your game and it hurts me to see you walk away looking upset, but I promised myself to keep a roof over your head and I just didn’t have time for you. I know… I know you would have preferred me to be by your side, but I couldn’t imagine you homeless and hungry. I just couldn’t. I’m sorry Tristan, I’m sorry for missing your big game. Forgive me?

Love, mum.

December 12, 1997

My dear Tristan,

I am so proud of you. I really am! I knew you were a smart boy, and I know you would do great things in the future. When I saw your results, I was so happy! And I know you were waiting for me to say something, a praise of some sort, but I didn’t. I regret that now, and I wish I had fought the spinning in my head to just utter a few words. I didn’t want to tell you this, but working two jobs and settling all these debts has given me bad migraines. Sometimes, I don’t say anything because I just can’t. The pain in my head is so unbearable, I’m constantly struggling to hide it from you. I don’t want you to worry, but I know I have disappointed you. I just want you to know I’m so proud, and that I’m sorry I never said it. I wish I did. Forgive me?

Love, mum.

January 15, 2000

My dear Tristan,

I know you are dating that sweet girl from across the street. You really know how to pick them! I also saw you searching for a gift for her, and you seem to be a little confused. I would have given you some advice but I knew you didn’t want any from the way you looked at me. I understand how you feel towards me, and your silence has made it clear. But I still wanted to help, so I left the necklace my mother gave to me on your table. I just noticed it is gone, and I’m glad you have given it to her. I hope both of you would last, and I know it sounds strange coming from me, but I hope you find the love you need from her. I seem to have been failing at giving you any, and I’m sorry for that. Forgive me?

Love, mum.

August 18, 2003

My dear Tristan,

I got a call from your school this afternoon, asking if I was going to attend your graduation on the coming weekend. It pained me to say I wouldn’t be there. It is not that I don’t want to, but I just can’t. I’m a selfish person, I know. I have been seeing the doctor for my migraine, and he has asked me to do a full medical check up. I can change the date of my appointment, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to because I don’t want you to ask questions. Yes, I know this reason does not stand well with you and it only makes it seem like I’m making excuses, but I want you to know that I am sincerely thinking about you. I don’t want you to worry Tristan, you have a full life ahead of you and you are already on the right track. I don’t want to be your detour. I’m really sorry for missing your graduation, would you forgive me?

Oh, I also submitted an application to Harvard, Oxford, and Cambridge for you. I hope you get it! I really don’t have enough money to send you to the best university, but I can try my best to get you into one.

Love, mum.

February 22, 2007

My dear Tristan,

I know what day today is. I’ve checked with the school and have gotten all the information I needed. I planned on surprising you, but my doctor said I shouldn’t leave the country in my state. I’m not getting any better and I regret not being at your graduation today. I really thought I could fly, and I’ve even saved up enough so that you didn’t have to pay for my expenses, but I didn’t know that my doctor would not give in even when I pleaded. I’m so sorry Tristan, I know this is a big day for you. I feel so horrid that I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, because all I see is your disappointed face staring back at me.

I’ve missed you so much, and I understand why you don’t call or visit. Every time I pass by your bedroom, I imagine you in it, and as crazy as it sounds I would stop to say hi. You would probably laugh if you read this because I sound like a crazy person, but my imagination of you is all I have left. I’m sorry I have not been a good mother, but I’ve never stopped trying. If you could, please forgive me for being a failure in your life.

Love, mum.

May 25, 2010

My dear Tristan,

I hope you’re reading this, I really do. My days are numbered and this is the last thing I can say to you. I didn’t want to call you because I was afraid you would reject me in this horrible time of my life. It would break my heart to know you do not care, and I’m too scared to face the truth. Death seems more comforting than knowing I have no place in your heart.

I don’t expect you to love me, or feel sorry for me. I know what I have done, and  wouldn’t forgive myself if I were you. I’ve read through all my past entries and I realize how stupid I was for asking for your forgiveness. I know I don’t deserve it, so please don’t feel like you have to forgive me.

Tristan, you are probably angry at me for a lot of things and my will might have angered you more. I know the house and the car could have patched up some of the holes I have created in your heart, but I also know it would not do much. So, I have decided to give all my earthly treasures to create a fund under your name. This is the last thing I can do for you.

People will now know who you truly are, the man who is making a difference in many lives. This small investment I’ve made cannot make up for all the wrong I’ve done, but I hope it will help you in your future.

I’m sorry for all the birthday presents I’ve failed to get you, for all the events I’ve missed, for the times I never spoke when I should have, and for all the hate I have caused you to feel. You don’t have to forgive me Tristan, I don’t deserve it. I just want you to know that I love you and I have never stopped.

Love, mum.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I have decided to write something other than horror this time, cause I wanted to test my skill in a different genre. And since Mother’s day has just passed and Father’s day is arriving, I wanted to write a short story that would show a parent’s love towards their child. It is hard to understand how a parent feels until we become one, but I hope this short story carries enough volume of love.

It’s also my mum’s birthday today, so happy birthday mum!

It’s crucial for you to let me know what you think, because I need to know if I can actually write this genre. There’s a comment box below, so hurry up and leave a comment! 😀

© 2013 Jeyna Grace

(For more short stories, click HERE)

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42 Comments

Posted by on May 30, 2013 in Original Works

 

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42 responses to “I Hated Her

  1. Excerpts of Awkwardness

    May 30, 2013 at 11:39 am

    I like it. It’s a little extreme, but good.

     
    • Jeyna Grace

      May 30, 2013 at 11:50 am

      Thanks! May I know where is it… a little overboard? Haha 🙂

       
      • Excerpts of Awkwardness

        May 30, 2013 at 9:32 pm

        It’s just that it swings from one extreme to the next. At first you think the mom is a horrible, awful woman, and then it goes back to she’s actually a really good person. I think it sets off my ‘suspension of disbelief’ alarm because (from my limited experience) life isn’t normally like that.

        For example, I have a friend that has relationship problems with his mom. She was a good mom growing up, but she’s gotten more extreme as he’s grown older. She’ll do something nuts, like for no apparent reason practically pull his girlfriend out of a moving car while swearing at her, and he’ll stop talking to her for awhile to cut the crazy out of his life. After awhile he’ll try working it out with her to varying degrees of success until she does something crazy again.

        It’s complicated and messy, with him trying to figure out how much crazy is too much and how much being family should be an excuse, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if his mom had letters like the ones in your story about how she loved him and was just trying to be a good mom.

        Sorry if this is a little ramble-y, I just don’t want to be *that* commenter that makes a critique but doesn’t explain it. I really like the concept of your story, but it’s in really black and white terms; she NEVER came to my things, I COMPLETELY stopped talking to her, and then she DIED but she was actually a GREAT person.

        But do with that what you will – it’s your story 🙂

         
        • Jeyna Grace

          May 30, 2013 at 9:46 pm

          Actually, the drastic swing was my intention. I wanted to portray two emotions strongly, hence the title. I thought the impact would be greater when hate makes a drastic switch to love.

          I’m pretty sure life isn’t normally like that, but I wouldn’t know. Though, if you look at it at a milder scale, we do judge without knowing true intentions. Sometimes we don’t see the whole picture and jump to conclusions. I guess the other point I was trying to bring out was that people have a tendency to see things one way without taking an effort to find out the whole story.

          Anyways, I appreciate the feedback and I’m glad you shared your thoughts!
          What you said were actually my intentions, but I didn’t know it would stand out so clearly to you 🙂

           
          • Excerpts of Awkwardness

            May 30, 2013 at 9:46 pm

            Well if those were your intentions, you succeeded entirely! Nicely done.

             
          • Jeyna Grace

            May 30, 2013 at 9:49 pm

            Haha, thanks 😀

             
  2. Emma Newman

    May 30, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    okay, I maybe teared up like….three times. I didn’t think it was overboard at all! But then again, I grew up in the theatre, so my perception of drama may be warped

     
    • Jeyna Grace

      May 30, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      You did? I teared up writing it too, and I was hoping it would have the same effect on my readers! I guess I can call it a success?
      Thanks for the comment! Gotta love the drama-tics 🙂

       
  3. dwagonhugger

    May 30, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    I love it, I don’t think it’s overboard at all. I think you should write more of this genre ^^

     
    • Jeyna Grace

      May 30, 2013 at 2:21 pm

      Thank you! I’ll definitely try to 🙂

       
  4. sagarika

    May 30, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    love it.. you should continue this genre..

     
    • Jeyna Grace

      May 30, 2013 at 5:18 pm

      Thanks! Hopefully I’ll get another idea for this genre soon 🙂

       
  5. Moniba

    May 30, 2013 at 7:37 pm

    Oh…My God… This made me cry.. And I thought it was a real story!!! Until I read that last para.. Oh God, i’m so glad it isn’t true.
    You’ve done an amazing job with this. I request you to keep writing this way, please 🙂 I think it has just the right amount of drama in it, just the right choice of words, and an awesome plot.

     
    • Jeyna Grace

      May 30, 2013 at 7:44 pm

      Thank you do much for your comment! I’ll definitely try!

       
  6. littleonionwrites

    May 31, 2013 at 7:15 am

    Great story! Definitely try to write more of this genre : )

     
  7. projectedrealities

    June 2, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    That was heartbreaking but well done!

     
  8. lnahay

    June 3, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    Beautiful! I was crying as soon as the mother’s voice came through. Maybe it hit close to home- my boys trying to get my attention while I’m struggling to keep our heads afloat. It’s not overboard, as I personally love when first impressions make a drastic switch. People rarely stop to consider what other people are experiencing- rash judgements and all. I haven’t read anything else you’ve written- yet, but hopefully it’s as sharp and emotional as this.

     
    • Jeyna Grace

      June 3, 2013 at 2:07 pm

      Thank you! I’m glad to be able to show that side of a parent, even though I’m not a parent yet.
      This is actually my first slice of life story, and I’ve decided to do more of this genre as time goes by.
      I just need to find good inspirations 🙂

       
      • lnahay

        June 4, 2013 at 8:18 am

        For a first attempt, you nailed it!

         
        • Jeyna Grace

          June 4, 2013 at 8:20 am

          Thanks! I hope I can nail the 2nd one too 🙂

           
          • lnahay

            June 4, 2013 at 8:21 am

            I’m sure you will. Don’t get in the trap of forcing it, though. Let it flow 🙂

             
          • Jeyna Grace

            June 4, 2013 at 8:36 am

            A forced story is a not a good story right? 🙂

             
          • lnahay

            June 4, 2013 at 9:30 am

            Nope. And readers will be able to tell.

             
  9. amarianos

    June 5, 2013 at 2:08 am

    That was fantastic. I’m trying to begin writing some sort of fiction and this is very inspiring. Great work!

     
  10. abbles

    June 5, 2013 at 6:32 am

    My (very late) comment is: I’m crying right now. Literally.

     
    • Jeyna Grace

      June 5, 2013 at 8:09 am

      Haha! I’m kinda glad you are! 😀

       
      • abbles

        June 6, 2013 at 7:25 am

        well you’re nice 🙂

         
  11. b00kreader

    June 6, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    I too was moved by this story. I liked how it was told in two parts, very intriguing idea. I did however feel that some of the mother’s reasons were a little far fetched. Wonderful job!

     
    • Jeyna Grace

      June 6, 2013 at 12:33 pm

      I get what you mean. I was trying to find the best reasons but some were not the best.
      Thank you! I didn’t expect this story to touch so many people 🙂

       
  12. Maddier

    June 24, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    I enjoyed it!

     
    • Jeyna Grace

      June 24, 2013 at 12:52 pm

      It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you 🙂
      Haha, thanks!

       
  13. Jojo

    January 12, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    You’re so awesome!

     
  14. AV

    January 29, 2014 at 11:38 am

    This is awesome! Thanks very much for the follow!

     
  15. J-HA

    January 11, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    [Hello again, Jeyna. Your response was quick, my goodness! Talk about wanting to be more present; it’s like you hover over your page waiting for a comment to ping! So you say it’s “crucial” to have feedback on your first ‘slice of life’ piece of writing. Well, in short, you erred melodramatically.]

    _First, I liked this idea. You revealed the inner life of the mother through letters or, diary entries of some kind. Reading her thoughts second-hand like that felt innovative. You said before you’re not a fan of dialogue and, this felt like an alternative to it. Well done!
    ____Prior readers have described this “a little extreme”, and “a little far fetched”. I agree, though, why they didn’t feel the need to point to specific lines insults the critic in me! Letter 4: “I’m a selfish person, I know.” This is when the story completely stopped feeling real. No self-respecting mother would ever say/write that to her child. How do I know she’s a self-respecting mother? Easy, she stayed with Tristan. I see you intended this sharp contrast. And I see you wanted to highlight the emotional impact of misjudging another person. You simply over stated this. Your title, “I Hated Her She Loved Me”, is fairly direct in stating what you’re going to write about, don’t you think? Five instances of him interpreting her actions as hatred when, really, they’re loving hasn’t set me up for a surprise ending or, profound observation about life.
    _But don’t stop writing in this genre, please! You’re an artist and must experiment. This was such a worthy first attempt. You’ll only get better with practice and good feedback. I know you’ve written more and, will get to it in time to see how you’ve improved. One more thing, I don’t usually read slice of life stories, do you know of any good ones?

     
    • Jeyna Grace

      January 11, 2015 at 7:23 pm

      Hello again to you 🙂 Yes, I do actually hover over my WordPress dashboard. I open it every morning and leave the page among my other tabs. It is my baby after all 🙂

      Anyway, thank you for your feedback on this story. It is definitely a genre worth experimenting, though I’m still rather rusty; haven’t been practicing much. Haha! I hope to hear from you again on the other stories 🙂

      Honestly, I don’t read novels in this genre. Not really a fan. Writing seems more enjoyable than reading. So, I can’t recommend any.

       
  16. monkeyeverythingblog

    February 14, 2017 at 7:21 am

    I almost cried reading this… it is so good and heartfelt! There was such a contrast between her behavior toward her son and her entries in her book to her son. I think that’s what made it so emotional.
    I loved it, and I would love to read more!!
    (WHAT IS THE SON’S REACTION??!?!!! LOL You’ve left me hanging)

     
    • Jeyna Grace

      February 15, 2017 at 12:13 pm

      Wow, you went into the archives! Forgive me for the 2013 writing, as I’m sure it isn’t up to par with my current work. However, I’m flattered. Thank you for reading it, and thank you for loving it too 😀

      (I don’t now what’s the son’s reaction. One can only guess.)

       

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