Fan Fiction (Collab)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Bacon

Harry had finally settled down in Hogwarts. He was sorted into Gryffindor and he had finally accepted the fact that the only true friends he was going to have was Miss-Know-It-All and Mr-Scaredy-Cat. And though it may not seem like much, but he settled for the improvement of not having friends at all.

He also soon accepted the fact that he was not dreaming. Magic was real and so was possessed bacon. And as days became weeks, Harry was rather grateful that he didn’t have to see the Dursleys anymore, even though this reality was freakishly bizarre.

It was the day that Harry finally thought he was truly done with bacon when an owl came flying into his room with a letter. He tore it open immediately and read.

“Dear Mr. Potter, I know you have many questions on your mind, and i believe someone has the answers to them. He is the Prisoner of Bacon, a close friend of your fathers who will be a great help to you in the future. Find him, and you’ll find your true destiny.”

The letter was not signed by anyone, and Harry could only hope he wasn’t falling for  some prank. Just as he was about to fold the letter, the ink began rearranging itself as it drew out a magical map. Harry stared in astonishment as he couldn’t believe what he had just saw. But what he saw next made his eyes widened as footsteps were walking on the map, and the words hovering above them were “Prisoner of Bacon”.

Harry swallowed hard. He was about to find out the answers to everything, how his parents died (hopefully not choked on bacon), why he has a bacon looking scar (which kinda looks like a lighting at a different angle), and why was his life revolving around bacon all the time. Harry needed to find this person, and he needed to find him now.

That night, he snuck out of bed with the mysterious map. Following the shortcuts and secret passageways on the map, he discovered many hidden places in Hogwarts. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest; he thought it was going to rip through his body.

Looking at the map, it said the Prisoner of Bacon was right in front of him. His eyes slowly looked up to the wall in front of him. The map was wrong, there was no one in front of him, only a brick wall. He turned back to find another brick wall behind him, when he looked the other way again, the wall had disappeared and there stood a man with no shirt, pants that were tattered and bacon for shoes.

“Hello Harry, I knew you would find me,” said the man. Harry backed up into the wall behind him. “It’s okay Harry, I won’t bite,” said the man who started laughing maniacally.

Harry was speechless. “Who are you?” he asked.

“I’m the Prisoner of Bacon,” said the man looking down on his feet “as you can see.”

Back in his room, the Prisoner of Bacon introduced himself as Sirius. They spent the whole night talking and Harry understood that this man was a very close friend of his father’s. He grew somewhat attached to Sirius.

Light was beginning to pour in through the window. “I must go now,” said Sirius “it’s not safe for me to be here. We will talk soon. You know how to find me,” he said, looking at the map Harry was clenching in his fist.

Harry saw him disappear into the fireplace and slept off on his bed. He woke up to Ron yelling at him saying he was going to be late. Harry woke up in a daze, did all that really happen or did he dream all that up?

He couldn’t find the map and Ron knew nothing about this map Harry was talking about so Harry just assumed it was all a dream and went on to his potions class with Ron.

(This was a collaboration with Jessica D, a freelance graphic designer, photographer, and the high school friend i played Diagon Alley with when i was 13.)


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